Resources
for Survivors
Sharing what I’ve picked up along the way to help other survivors of sexual assault, rape or violence to understand what they’re going through, and learn the tools to survive the aftermath.
Mental Health & Support
The Rape Treatment Center
and Stuart House, UCLA
The Rape Treatment Center provides free, comprehensive, state-of-the-art treatment for sexual assault victims – adults and children – 24 hours a day, including highly specialized emergency medical care, forensic/evidentiary services, counseling, advocacy, accompaniment, and information about rights and options to help victims make informed choices and decisions.
*The Rape Treatment Center is impossible to find if you aren’t given specific directions (for safety), so is completely anonymous, and no one will ever know where you are. They donated free cognitive therapy sessions to me through my social worker after the attack; if cost is an issue, they can help you.
Learn More
Call: 424-259-7208
CalVCB: California Victim Compensation Board
At CalVCB, we work to reduce the impact of crime on victims’ lives. We reimburse crime-related expenses, connect victims with services and support, and do all we can to inform and empower victims.
*My social worker recommended reaching out to CalVCB, and we connected with someone over there who helped with the application process. The program sent me several checks after my attack…I think in total about $2,000 to help cover moving expenses, medical expenses, the cost of crime scene clean-up, income loss etc. It’s not an unlimited supply of money and not like insurance — so don’t expect them to cover you in totality for these kinds of bills. It’s a goodwill measure from the state to help you as much as they can. I think $1,500 - $2,000 is around the maximum of what they can pay out through this program, which helps!
EMDR Therapy
Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is an evidence based form of psychotherapy designed to treat trauma and reduce negative emotions, anxiety, and other reactions associated with traumatic events. It is one of the best validated and researched treatments for trauma and used by the V.A., Department of Defense and the World Health Organization.
*I learned about EMDR therapy from a friend who was also a survivor. She recommended her therapist, and when I talked to her over the phone, I immediately knew we didn’t connect. If that happens to you, don’t give up! After 2-3 more calls, I talked to therapist that I did like who practiced EMDR, and went to her for sessions for about a year. I’m sure it helped me process, but I wasn’t a rabid fan of it. I am definitely in the 1%, as so many people I’ve spoken to have found real progress in it. I would even give it another try with another therapist with different modalities to try to better understand the benefits so many people have seen from this therapy.
Books
‘The Body Keeps the Score’
by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
This book helped me tremendously, and I know it’s helped a lot of other women that I’ve talked to. Basically, the book outlines how our bodies and brains react to trauma, what constitutes trauma, and provides a multitude of studied and documented reactions to it. It helped me understand some of the crazy things I was doing, and even though it’s scientific in nature, it reads very quickly and I promise you will be engulfed by it.
‘Know My Name’
by Chanel Miller
Chanel Miller is an incredibly beautiful and illustrative writer. Her courage in sharing the sometimes grotesque details of not only her assault, but the way the world received her and treated her in the months and years afterward made a HUGE impact on me, and encouraged me to create this podcast (I’m not a beautiful writer like she is, but I figured I could contribute in another way!) This is her autobiography, and full account of what happened to her and her very public trial.
‘The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living’
by Ryan Holiday
Stoicism is a philosophy and practice that has helped me shift my perspective when I’m stuck in the ‘fairness’ of it all, or feeling stuck and trapped by something seemingly impossible. It’s a reframing technique that can help you look at things in a new way, and approach accepting and living with them in a new way. This particular book is one of many of Ryan Holiday’s, but is something you can easily open every day and find some wisdom in. Highly recommend.
Film/TV
*These are NOT films that are self-help or inspirational (except for one).
These are films that I took in after my attack and were meaningful to me because I wanted to see someone take their power back after something violent (what happened to me).
All of these recommendations recreated the trauma for me, which I was doing alone in my mind over and over again. These were the types of stories that I wanted to see in the months after my attack that were from my specific trauma.
I needed to see a reflection of what I was going through, but bear in mind — watching films and TV shows that resemble your trauma is normal, BUT — taking in too many of these stories without a sense of balance or safety/comfort will consume you.
ALL of these films are highly triggering, but I enjoyed the outcomes, and they were meaningful to me. Please be thoughtful to your headspace when taking these stories in.
‘Alison’
by Uga Carlini
Alison’s story is horrific, I will warn you. But it’s the most extreme example of physical and mental resilience I’ve ever seen. Please be warned that what happens to her is horrible, but this story was one of the only stories I had that I felt a connection to, and the story takes you through the night of her attack, her physical recovery, the trial and who she is now decades later. The fairy tale / storybook aspect of it is a little weird, but a powerful and under-told story nonetheless.
*Rape, Sexual Assault, Extreme Violence
Alison on Rotten Tomatoes
N/A | 100% Audience Score
‘Once Upon a Time in Hollywood’
by Quentin Tarantino
Specifically with this one — the ending. I jumped out of my chair and screamed out loud and clapped through the final scenes of this movie. When I realized what Tarantino was doing with the unbelievably sad and frightening story of Sharon Tate’s murder, it felt so satisfying to rewrite a tragic piece of American history with a new ending, and a reprieve through some absurdly comedic scenes to give you the space to imagine the story another way and relax knowing that it’s really, just a story. The gift of film — to rewrite what’s happened and imagine it another way. And Brad Pitt’s character, Cliff Booth’s dog Brandy is a sweet antidote to the fear.
*Extreme Violence
Once Upon a Time... on Rotten Tomatoes
85% Critics | 70% Audience Score
‘Revenge’
by Coralie Fargeat
This surrealist revenge thriller is about a woman who comes back for revenge after being discarded by her attackers in the desert. Again, this is very specific to my own trauma, which is violent, and something that I wanted to see after my attack — someone fighting back and regaining the upper hand against all odds. There’s a psychedelic turn halfway through the movie that turns it from a traditional thriller to something more artful, in my opinion. But be warned that it’s not for the faint of heart.
*Rape, Sexual Assault, Extreme Violence
Revenge on Rotten Tomatoes
93% Critics | 58% Audience Score
‘Sound of Metal’
by Darius Marder
I loved this movie, that came out in 2019, because Riz Ahmed captures the loneliness in the transition from one way of being into another. He fights against the acceptance of what’s happening to him, pushing away community, friends and family, trying to get back to a former version of himself that he’ll never regain. The beauty of this film is the acceptance at the end…the way it’s shot is beautiful and felt incredibly truthful.
*Addiction
Sound of Metal on Rotten Tomatoes
97% Critics | 90% Audience Score
‘Won’t You Be My Neighbor’
by Morgan Neville
If you haven’t seen this documentary yet, run to go see it now. Mr. Rogers’ sweetness and message of acceptance for children to love themselves for exactly who they are and what they are will remind you that there are good people in the world, even on the darkest days. “You are special. You’re special to me. There’s only one in this wonderful world.”
Won't You Be My Neighbor on Rotten Tomatoes
97% Critics | 94% Audience Score